The tagline for Titanic II is: They said it couldn’t happen twice. Turns out it could. And of course it does. The early scenes are packed with heavy handed references to what we all know must follow “ the characters discuss icebergs and lifeboats, and one sailor even mentions the ironic fact that the water is exactly the same temperature as it was when the ship’s predecessor went down.
This time the ship doesn’t hit an iceberg. Instead a Greenland ice sheet collapses, causing a tsunami which travels at an astonishing 843mph. We’re told ships on the surface will be unaffected but icebergs, with the majority of their bulk underwater, will be carried by the wave.
The result? Icebergs travelling at 843mph.
For some reason the ship is advised to flee in the face of this supersonic slush puppy “ though this is made impossible when the rich oaf who owns the Titanic 2 breaks the engine by forcing the captain to go too fast.
Despite having plenty of warning, some passengers are still strolling on deck when the wave arrives, carrying an iceberg which cuts the ship to shreds. Apparently suffering from a mental illness which makes him state the blindingly and painfully obvious, the captain observes: Looks like history’s repeating itself. Cheers skipper.
What follows is hilarious chaos. Look out for the fantastic moments when the camera is tilted to simulate the angle of the sinking ship “ apparently no one thought about the resulting effect on gravity, so people are falling and leaning in all directions at once! As the crew battle bravely to save the passengers “ one of whom is apparently determined to fight each and every person on board “ the unfortunate news arrives that the lifeboats are death traps.
Special mention must also be given to the moment a plane is caught by the gigantic wave, causing (for some reason) an immediate fiery explosion. In fairness to the makers of Titanic II, it is quite dramatic in places and the acting isn’t too bad. Lovers of terrible films will enjoy this for the ludicrous premise and some comical moments, but it’s far from being the worst film ever made.
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